Hard Alters

It occurred to me this week that in the Old Testament, all the times I remember God instructing one of the great fore fathers to errect an alter to Him, he told them to use rocks. These rocks were places of rememberance; places to remember what God did. Couldn't he have told them to plant flowers? Couldn't he have told them to create a beautiful lake? What about just carving something into a tree or something....something other than cold, hard, stones. I asked my husband what he thought about this idea. He said it was probably because God knew that it needed to be something sturdy and durable. Perhaps he is right. I wonder if it wasn't a sort of analogy to what God knew would be the times that we remember Him working in our lives. Perhaps God understand that the hardest, roughest circumstances were going to be the ones when we remembered His hand helping us the most. Maybe God understood the cold, hard feelings and emotions we experience when He is working most in our lives. Once those circumstances and hard times are past, we look back at that place in our lives and remember...but all we see left is the piles of rocks...because we
almost always move on to softer, warmer, prettier times. But that pile of rock is still there in our past...and we often say, "It wasn't as bad as I thought at the time."

Any thoughts?

Questioning the Pain

I lost a dear friend this week to a very hellish battle with leukemia. Death won a temorary victory...at least over me. She's home now; I'm not. I have asked God so many questions, and sometimes not with a good attitude (like I tell my children to have all the time.) I've felt a little guilty for the irreverant way that I've been asking God about death, my friend's death, and whether or not I'm supposed to ask Him to heal people with cancer or any kind of "terminal" illness. Quite frankly, I don't have a whole lot of testimonies to share about those kinds of healings. I haven't received any hard, straight answers yet, but I've been given a bit of revelation here and there. I'll share one piece of these bits of revelation with you, my readers.

In 1997, my husband was in a terrible wreck. His life was spared, but his body wasn't. He was hurt "real good." ha He looked like a Picasso painting...body parts in wrong places. ha Anyway, my two boys were only 5 and barely 3 at the time. After two days in a hospital and a few surgeries, a dear friend brought the boys from 2 1/2 hours away to see their dad. Before I took the boys into the room to see dad, I tried to explain that dad didn't look like he did when they saw him last. I tried to explain that it might be scary or even a little funny, but that it was really dad and that he was going to be okay. (I was trying to convince myself of those same things too.) As we boarded the elevator to go to the third floor where dad was resting, my 3 year old asked me some questions. They were serious questions to him. The first one was: "Did his head cut off?"
"No", I answered. "Did his eyes fall out?" "No." Even though I found these questions a little funny, my little boy NEEDED to ask them. He needed me to answer them. I could have sat him down before we went into the room and explained everything he was about to see in physiological terms. I could have described how the broken orbital bone caused a leak in the spinal fluid and how it was pooling behind his dad's eye, thus causing the bulging eye....ect....you get the picture. I could have given truthful, honest, correct explainations; and his three year old mind could not have grasped hardly any of it. However, I would have gladly stood in that elevator for another hour and let him ask me any questions that he could have thought up. I felt total compassion for his little mind trying to understand.

Now, you probably see where I'm going with this. If I sat on God's lap tonight and asked Him why my friend had to die, He could probably tell me all the ways that He is using her illness and death to further His kingdom and carry out plans that he has for each person touched by this tragedy in one way or another, but I would probably be like a three year old and only get the "yes" and "no" explanations. I might not even get those. Yet, if I know how to be compassionate to my child and am patient to answer his questions, how much more is my Heavenly Father patient and compassionate toward me???!!! I feel no guilt for asking "why." I do trust my Father. But I have to try to understand; I must ask. Some people don't have to ask; they just trust. I envy that, in a way. I believe that my Father is okay with my asking though.

Lost Post

I spent 30 minutes creating a post that had some wonderful thoughts about my night tonight. Somehow, I clicked the wrong thing and lost it all before I could publish it. This is no small matter to me. Natascha, you'll just have to ask me to tell you what I posted because I ain't gonna sit here any longer!!! grrrrrrrrrr!!!

It was a good thought though. I guess I could at least post the bottom line point of the whole story: "You never know who you are going to bless...especially when you don't think you are going to bless anyone. "

If anyone is ever interested enough to leave a comment that asks me to write the story again, I'll do it. Otherwise, you and I will talk about it over coffee, Nat.


love,
Cindy

gathering

Today was a great day. What started out as a time for a few people to get together with no real agenda, wound up being a wonderful time of prayer, sharing and encouragement. (At least for me...and I think for the others too.) I was most happy about how it all turned out.

I am still a bit sad, however. I am trying to keep my perspective about my little dog, Joe. He was our dear little pet who disappeared about 2 days ago. He hardly ever leaves the yard so it is a mystery as to what has actually happened to him. In the middle of people fighting for their lives, people dying in wars, heartbreaks like families falling apart, and the general hardship of day-to-day life, I am still selfish enough (if that is what it is) to miss and greive for my little pet. My God is big enough not to be bothered by my asking for something so petty as a little dog to be "breathed together again" ...or "released from the captives." God cares about the biggest things and the littlest. Isn't that wonderful?!! I'll try to post a picture of him. Just call it my tribute to Joe, or Jingle Joe, as we'd become accoustomed to calling him (his collar always jingled.) Here's to everyone who has loved and lost a pet. I'm sorry. ...and I DO know how you feel.

ciao!!!

blogging frustration

Nat, you HAVE TO BE ABLE TO POST COMMENTS...no one else is ever going to read this. As I understood things, I had to make a Google Account to be able to create a new blog. I wonder what in the world I've signed myself up for here....

one more thought....

After watching the movie, "Facing the Giants" last night, I was encouraged and reminded that we do serve a God that can do everything and anything at any time He wants. I only need to read the Gospels to remind myself of that. And yet, I live in the real world...not the world of movies where all the endings are happy. Not every challenge I've faced turned out "picture perfect." This blog is not necessarily to criticize the movie, but to challenge Christians to understand, what I believe is the true message of the movie: Praise Him anyway. All prayers aren't answered in the way we'd most like to see them answered; praise Him anyway!!! People we love die; praise Him anyway!!! Diseases go unhealed and people suffer; praise Him anyway!!! There are disappointments in life. Being a Christian doesn't make you immune to disappointments. But it will help you take the disappointment easier.....if you choose to praise Him anyway.

I don't always take my own advice, but today...I'll praise Him. To whoever reads this: your job is to remind me, no matter what my circumstances are, to praise Him anyway.

Praise Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Changing...and questioning

Okay. So I'm not so good at this blogging stuff. I had to create a new blog name and account because I couldn't log in to the other one. There were no literary masterpieces left behind. This one, like the others, will be about the same speed.

I couldn't use the name I wanted...which was "Mindspill" because that is what ends up on these sites. The spilling of the mind. I thought about the Bible verse Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." NIV In the King James Version, it says...">.for out of it (heart) are the issues of life." I didn't think "Issuebabble" sounded as good as "wellspringbabble" (Sorry Mike Pearl. I used NIV this time.)

Well, the whole reason that I wanted to get something on the screen again is because I hope that someone will read this with the answer to my question. Here is the question. What am I missing in my Christian faith? Today I read about the woman with a bleeding disorder in Luke 8. I read where she touched the hem of Jesus' garment..and was immediately healed. Jesus' spirit resides in me. Is it lack of faith in me? That woman didn't have Jesus' spirit indwelling her...or did she? I don't think she did. Someone help me here. I would love to hear (read) other's thoughts about this.

Nat, you'll have to change my blog thingy. Sorry for all the trouble.

Cindy