Laughing at Myself..and Babbling to Myself

I just read my last two posts. I'm laughing (at least on the inside.) I want to be more like Jesus. It seemed to last about a month. Then, I wanted great hair. Am I a typical, shallow, dufus or what??? I suppose it is possible to be more like Jesus AND have pretty hair........isn't it?? Let's take a poll. Vote on whether or not people with pretty hair can be more like Jesus. Let's take another poll. Vote on this: Can people who think it would be fun to take a poll on whether or not you can be more like Jesus and have pretty hair....be more like Jesus? Oh, I really hope so.

Well, anyway.....

If anyone else on the planet is reading this, you need to visit my friend Natascia's blog called "Let's Face It..." and read what she wrote about her daughter swallowing a coin. It is great!! She is so talented. There is a link to her blog here on my site. Natascia, you are growing in your faith and you don't even know it!!!

Tonight my mom turned 74. She is on a walker, but still well enough to go out for Chinese food and have a party with us. I don't know why, but somehow I can be with my mom and look right past her handicap. When I say "look past", I mean that I totally ignore it...until it slaps me in the face like it has done lately. My mom seems to be in a very slow down-hill slide. Her health fails a little more each day. If I had a video of her from 4 years ago, her decline would be very apparent, I fear. If I let myself think too deeply about it, I get very sad. My mom was such a hard worker and always dreamed of traveling when she had the chance. Looks like Providence decided she'd stay close to home. I grieve that for her. However, we are all headed down some path of decline. (I'm just a ball of light and joy tonight, huh.) Really, I don't mind the thought. I am becoming quite comfortable with my own limitations...and I think that I, too, am on a slow, down-hill slide (in more areas than just my health sometimes.) My prayer for myself, and I guess for my mom too, is that we seek God's light of truth to transform the way we see our decline.

There are wonderful lessons in nature that would teach us something about aging and death. The trees in the fall are prettier to me than any time of year...including spring. (Look at the picture of our crabapple tree just two weeks ago and you'll have something to compare to my feelings for fall.) Even the "dead" look of trees in the winter have their own haunting beauty. There are many comparisons to life in the changing of the trees...but the one that is most striking to me is that in order for there to be something beautiful and new, fresh and stunning, full of life and fruit, ....there has to be something changed, cold, and dead. Does anyone ever wonder that spring and summer will not come after a winter? If a tree is still rooted and standing, is it strange that new growth will appear with the warming of the earth? Life will come after death for those of us who are still in the "root" or The Vine...and it will be beautiful, stunning, fresh, full of life, fruitful...and wonderful. Haven't you read about people who have had near death experiences and they speak of the "warm light" that they were drawn toward? There will be warmth, newness, and life after death. In the meantime, may we all be enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit to enjoy the changes that are inevitable in life and find beauty, even in the death of things.

As for my hair,....well.............it grows. (Thank goodness!!!)

It was 37 degrees when we drove home from mother's house tonight. Mom told me that there'd be another freeze and that I shouldn't plant my plants yet (that was about 2 weeks ago.) I thought that surely, since it had been almost 90 degrees off and on for the two weeks prior, no more freezing weather would be in the forecast. When am I going to learn to listen to my mother????????

Last note: (and it really doesn't matter...I'm just writing it for myself to read)... It was 4 years ago yesterday, April 5, 2003, that we moved to Searcy from Magnolia. Time has really flown since then. My children have grown so much. I've grown so much (literally and metaphorically speaking.) ha

Ciao!!...and for you English speaking people: Bye

Sweet Peace and the Stomach Flu

Tonight is a strange night; awful, yet wonderful. We all have either had, (that would be me) or are in the process of having the stomach flu. I'll spare the awful details, but those of you who have had the experience of running to the bathroom frequently during a given 24 hour period can relate. My whole family is down at the moment. Some have fever; some have thrown up several times today; others are dizzy and dehydrated. Okay, so I decided not to spare you the details. But, and forgive me if I sound unsympathetic to my suffering family, it is so peaceful in this house right now. No one is stirring. No one needed any supper. I just fix glasses of Sprite and I'm through. God, in His mercy, has given us wonderful rest in a very comfortable environment. It's hard to even categorize it as "suffering", although I'm not sure that my family would agree with that last statement(...and I'm not sure I would have agreed yesterday.) There is something to be said for sleeping on and off for a whole day. There is even more to be said for being made acutely aware of how blessed you are to be able to go about your day-to-day activities with thoughtless ease.

I thought about my friend, Alan, during my "down time." He has had "down time" for over 5 years now. For the last two of his five years, he has been on a ventilator. He has Lou Gerihg's Disease. I cannot even begin to imagine a day in his life. Alan has been to me a "shining star in a dark universe." He has written books with a special computer keyboard. He has been an encouragment to me and to so many. He is God's grace, personified. My prayers for Alan are mostly Holy Spirit groanings now. I keep asking that the LORD either heal him or take him home, ...but still no answer yet. I don't know why. It seems awful....but I know that there is some wonderful in it all...somehow. God's Word says so. In Romans 11:36 it says that Christ is to all, through all, and in all. I believe it. Someday, with eyes unveiled, we'll know as we are known. I want the LORD to show me all the wonderful work He accomplished through this man and his suffering. I know that when the Lord shows me, there will have been something wrought for me too.

Thank you, Alan. Thank you, LORD. Thank you for awful things that hold within them your wonderful grace and peace.

Hair

Well, I started the new year off with a change in hairstyle. I've been growing my hair long for the last couple of years...and it just wasn't working. So, I've gone back to a shorter style. What is it about women and hair? I know that I'm borderline personality disorder anyway...but when it comes to hair, I'm a lunatic!!! I am in a constant want of a new look with my hair. It is crazy. Can I get a witness people!!!??? I like the new, shorter style..but I'm constantly checking out other women's dos and thinking, "Would mine look good like that?" Perhaps it isn't the hair that needs changing at all. Maybe the dissatisfaction is a symptom of a much deeper crisis that needs an over haul.

I'm not sure where this fits in with my "More About Jesus" motto for 2007. Something tells me that Jesus didn't worry about his hair. Can someone tell me how to quit wanting to "look" a certain way? It is such vanity, I know. But I still haven't found the answer here. I'm sure open to someone setting me straight. Come on, Nat. What do you have to say here.

More About Jesus

Well, here goes the New Year!!!! Fresh starts, better living, setting goals, blah, blah, blah...I've said it all before. Could this year really be the start of something different?

I am going to be a pilgrim this year. I am going to resolve only one thing: To be more like Jesus. I figure if I can master being more like Him, everything else will fall in place; and even if it doesn't, I'll have peace. My theme song for this year is "More About Jesus." It is an old hymn we sang at my mom's church where I attended until I was about 18. The song came to me while listening to our elder, John D. speak at church on Sunday morning. John said something to the effect of.."instead of resolving shallow things like losing weight, getting out of debt, or matters of earthly importance, why don't we try to have a closer walk with our Lord?" I bet I've heard that said before...but it "took" this time. You know how it is....when your heart is ready to receive something, that is when you really get it. I'm tired of setting goals only to be disappointed. Perhaps the reason I've been so disappointed in the past had nothing to do with not meeting the goals, but it was the poor choice of goals in the first place.

"More about Jesus would I know, More of His grace to others show; More of His saving fullness see, More of His love who died for me."

"More about Jesus let me learn, More of His holy will discern; Spirit of God, my teacher be, Showing the things of Christ to me."

"More about Jesus; in His word, Holding communion with my Lord; Hearing His voice in every line, Making each faithful saying mine."

"More about Jesus on His throne, Riches in glory all His own; More of His kingdom's sure increase; More of His coming, Prince of Peace."

"More, more about Jesus, More, more, about Jesus; More of His saving fullness see, More of His love who died for me."


And wouldn't you know on the opposite page in the song book is the song by Elisabeth P. Prentiss, who wrote the book "Stepping Heavenward" ...which is only my favorite book that I've ever read...to date. Her song is "More Love to Thee, O Christ."

I'm on the right path...I know it!

Amen and amen. Here's to 2007!

Hard Alters

It occurred to me this week that in the Old Testament, all the times I remember God instructing one of the great fore fathers to errect an alter to Him, he told them to use rocks. These rocks were places of rememberance; places to remember what God did. Couldn't he have told them to plant flowers? Couldn't he have told them to create a beautiful lake? What about just carving something into a tree or something....something other than cold, hard, stones. I asked my husband what he thought about this idea. He said it was probably because God knew that it needed to be something sturdy and durable. Perhaps he is right. I wonder if it wasn't a sort of analogy to what God knew would be the times that we remember Him working in our lives. Perhaps God understand that the hardest, roughest circumstances were going to be the ones when we remembered His hand helping us the most. Maybe God understood the cold, hard feelings and emotions we experience when He is working most in our lives. Once those circumstances and hard times are past, we look back at that place in our lives and remember...but all we see left is the piles of rocks...because we
almost always move on to softer, warmer, prettier times. But that pile of rock is still there in our past...and we often say, "It wasn't as bad as I thought at the time."

Any thoughts?

Questioning the Pain

I lost a dear friend this week to a very hellish battle with leukemia. Death won a temorary victory...at least over me. She's home now; I'm not. I have asked God so many questions, and sometimes not with a good attitude (like I tell my children to have all the time.) I've felt a little guilty for the irreverant way that I've been asking God about death, my friend's death, and whether or not I'm supposed to ask Him to heal people with cancer or any kind of "terminal" illness. Quite frankly, I don't have a whole lot of testimonies to share about those kinds of healings. I haven't received any hard, straight answers yet, but I've been given a bit of revelation here and there. I'll share one piece of these bits of revelation with you, my readers.

In 1997, my husband was in a terrible wreck. His life was spared, but his body wasn't. He was hurt "real good." ha He looked like a Picasso painting...body parts in wrong places. ha Anyway, my two boys were only 5 and barely 3 at the time. After two days in a hospital and a few surgeries, a dear friend brought the boys from 2 1/2 hours away to see their dad. Before I took the boys into the room to see dad, I tried to explain that dad didn't look like he did when they saw him last. I tried to explain that it might be scary or even a little funny, but that it was really dad and that he was going to be okay. (I was trying to convince myself of those same things too.) As we boarded the elevator to go to the third floor where dad was resting, my 3 year old asked me some questions. They were serious questions to him. The first one was: "Did his head cut off?"
"No", I answered. "Did his eyes fall out?" "No." Even though I found these questions a little funny, my little boy NEEDED to ask them. He needed me to answer them. I could have sat him down before we went into the room and explained everything he was about to see in physiological terms. I could have described how the broken orbital bone caused a leak in the spinal fluid and how it was pooling behind his dad's eye, thus causing the bulging eye....ect....you get the picture. I could have given truthful, honest, correct explainations; and his three year old mind could not have grasped hardly any of it. However, I would have gladly stood in that elevator for another hour and let him ask me any questions that he could have thought up. I felt total compassion for his little mind trying to understand.

Now, you probably see where I'm going with this. If I sat on God's lap tonight and asked Him why my friend had to die, He could probably tell me all the ways that He is using her illness and death to further His kingdom and carry out plans that he has for each person touched by this tragedy in one way or another, but I would probably be like a three year old and only get the "yes" and "no" explanations. I might not even get those. Yet, if I know how to be compassionate to my child and am patient to answer his questions, how much more is my Heavenly Father patient and compassionate toward me???!!! I feel no guilt for asking "why." I do trust my Father. But I have to try to understand; I must ask. Some people don't have to ask; they just trust. I envy that, in a way. I believe that my Father is okay with my asking though.

Lost Post

I spent 30 minutes creating a post that had some wonderful thoughts about my night tonight. Somehow, I clicked the wrong thing and lost it all before I could publish it. This is no small matter to me. Natascha, you'll just have to ask me to tell you what I posted because I ain't gonna sit here any longer!!! grrrrrrrrrr!!!

It was a good thought though. I guess I could at least post the bottom line point of the whole story: "You never know who you are going to bless...especially when you don't think you are going to bless anyone. "

If anyone is ever interested enough to leave a comment that asks me to write the story again, I'll do it. Otherwise, you and I will talk about it over coffee, Nat.


love,
Cindy